Changes
by HermioneRon4evr
Summary: Two new students arrive at Hogwarts and with them come many changes. How will the trio deal with these changes? And can they stop them in time to save the world? Read and find out!


Once there was this girl named Leila, and this other girl named Paige. They were witches, but their school in America got knocked down—by accident! So all the students were sent to separate schools. Leila and Paige, who had been best friends since before they learned to say "Aloha" (they were from Hawaii), were not split up (like, THANK GOD!) and they were sent to Hogwarts.

So they had just like, taken a plane from Hawaii to England (whoa, long flight) and they were at the train station, their beautiful faces contorted with confusion. Harry Potter and Ron Weasley swooned as they walked by their huge group of Weasleys and Harry and Hermione. A number of changes occurred right then:

CHANGE NUMBER ONE: Harry realized he was madly in love with the girl on the left (Paige).

CHANGE NUMBER TWO: Ron realized he was madly in love with the girl on the right (Leila).

CHANGE NUMBER THREE: Fred and George glanced at each other and immediately there was this weird, never-before-felt feeling that they shared (mad sexual tension, yo).

CHANGE NUMBER FOUR: Ginny started thinking about Draco Malfoy nonstop.

CHANGE NUMBER FIVE: Hermione started thinking about Severus Snape nonstop.

CHANGE NUMBER SIX: Molly Weasley just started to like, relax for once in her life.

CHANGE NUMBER SEVEN: Far away, Arthur Weasley realized that he wanted MORE from his life than just collecting Muggle crap! He was a PUREBLOOD, for Christ's sake! He should be better than that! God, why did he waste his life!

And Bill, Charlie, and Percy were too far away to be affected. Well, Bill and Charlie were too far away distance-wise; Percy was too far away emotionally (sob, sob).

So, after realizing their undying love for the pair of Hawaiian newcomers, Harry and Ron hastily followed them as they stared up at the wall between Platforms 9 and 10, walked a bit, and stared again. Ginny broke from her stream of nonstop thoughts of Draco Malfoy in various compromising positions with her for enough time to say to her mother, "Mum, Harry and Ron just like, left." And she heard her mother say, "Whatever" and had time enough to think that that was a weird response coming from her mom before returning to the nonstop stream of naked Draco thoughts. Hermione, however, was much less willing to give herself over to her nonstop stream of thoughts of naked Snape. She struggled, trying to stay on top of things and not on top of Snape, for all of five seconds before giving up. Fred and George kept glancing at each other and blushing like a couple of gay, twincestual eleven-year-olds.

"Do you need help?" Harry asked the girl on the left (Paige). She turned around, confusion still apparent in her big, brown eyes. She didn't say anything, obviously not trusting him. (Or not wanting to spill the secret of her witch-ness and the existence of a whole other world if he was a Muggle.) Her friend, however, was much less secretive and was all, "Like, hi! We're looking for Platform 9 ¾. Do you know where it is?" She was very oblivious to Ron leering at her like some sort of piece of meat. "Um, yeah," Harry answered, not wanting to talk to her (since he wanted to talk to her friend), but Ron was rendered speechless by her utter beauty (or stupidity/obliviousness. He had finally found someone just as oblivious as he was!).

"You do!" Paige asked incredulously.

And Harry, happy to be talking to her instead of that other girl, was like, "Sure we do." Then, in a quieter voice, he was all, "We go to Hogwarts too!"

"Wow, that's good because we don't know where it is, and we were getting worried that we'd miss the train and it's _so_ lucky that you two came a long 'cause otherwise we wouldn't have found it and then we'd have nowhere to go because our other school got knocked down," Leila rambled.

Ron found himself in awe. He had no idea that anyone could ramble so much! It was, like, _so_ hott!

So the two macho boys led the girls in the direction of the divider thingy between platforms 9 and 10. When they got there, Harry was like, "You just walk right through it!"

Paige gave him a look that said, _"You're totally crazy, you weirdo! We can't walk through walls! Are you insane! We'll crash right into it and get hurt! And everyone will see us and start to wonder!" _But Ron, looking at Leila since he thought she was like mad hott, was all, "No it's ok! Trust us, we'll even go with you. Don't worry, we aren't making this up, it _is_ how you get there."

"Okay!" Leila said excitedly. So she and Ron headed toward the divider thingy and just as Paige thought that they were gong to crash right into it, they went right through it! It was amazing. Anyway, so After Ron and Leila, Harry led Paige through it. She was sure that she was going to crash, but then she didn't.

After them, the rest of everybody else came through. Except Mrs. Weasley, cause she's like, old and doesn't go to Hogwarts anymore so she stayed behind and went home. Which was weird cause usually she would see them off but this time she just didn't feel like it. So yeah, everyone was at the train-station on Platform 9 ¾.

Ginny was just standing there thinking, _"I wonder if Draco's here yet. I hope so. I wish I could sit with him. I wish I could do _more_ than _sit_ with him…."_

And Hermione was thinking, _"I wonder if Snape will be at the door when we get there. Oh, Severus…!"_

Oh yeah! Fred and George didn't go through either cause they were done with school and they had to go back to their little apartment above their joke-shop. So they weren't there.

_Anyway!_ Back at the apartment…

Fred: So, what's for dinner?

George: I'm making spaghetti.

Fred: Wow, my favorite!

George: I know. I'm making it especially for you.

Fred: Cool. Wait… is it our birthday?

George: What?

Fred: No wait, I know when our birthday is!

George: I can't believe you forgot my birthday! Stomps off to his room crying, leaving the spaghetti unattended

Fred: …Um…WTF?

Okay, so anyway. The raven haired youth led Paige into a compartment, hoping no one else would come in so they could, _you know_, be alone, and _you know. _ But no such luck, since the redhead was such a moron and led Leila in, who was rambling on and on and on about the word "bloody". The tallest redheaded Weasley boy just stared, open mouthed, at the fact that anyone could just hold a one-sided conversation like that! He thought it was absolutely AMAZING. The youngest Weasley girl (the like, only Weasley girl) followed, her head swimming with thoughts of her and Draco in her mother's bed, and the bushy haired young woman after her, whose own head was filled with thoughts of doing more than Potions in the dungeons with the Potions master.

So, like, here's what everyone was thinking:

HARRY: _omgomgomg Paige is SO HAWT. _

RON: _crickets _(Haha, okay, just kidding. Frizzle now: ) _omgomgomg RAMBLING IS SO HAWT._

GINNY: _mad thoughts of like, her and Draco doing it in some form that wasn't already mentioned_

HERMIONE: _ not suitable for younger readers_

PAIGE: _crickets _ (okay, not kidding this time)

LEILA: _crickets _(again, not kidding)

And far away, people were thinking:

FRED: _omgomgomgGeorge! OmgomgomgTHESPAGHETTI! _

GEORGE: _How could Fred forget my birthday! mind sob_

MOLLY: _Pfft, who cares? _

ARTHUR: _Ew. Muggles. _

Alright. So then like, everyone like, was chillin' in the compartment and in the middle of the train ride, Draco walked in. Everyone was like, sleeping. Leila was sleeping with her head on Ron's lap, drooling on his crotch area. Ron was sleeping with his face pressed against the window. Paige was stretched across Harry's lap, and Harry's head was tilted back and he was snoring like WHOA. Hermione and Ginny were like, hugging each other as they slept, each dreaming that she was in the arms of the Slytherin she loved. Draco cleared his throat, attempting to rouse the sleeping Gryffindors. It didn't work. He cleared his throat louder. Again, it didn't work. A little louder now. Nope, still not workin'.

"GET THE FUCK UP YOU GODDAMN SHITHEADS!" roared the glossy-haired Slytherin boy who was fast becoming a man, as Ginny noticed when she was roused from her dreams of Draco to reality, where Draco was staring at her. Except in reality, he was staring at her with hate in his eyes, not love, like in her dream. And she was sleeping in the arms of her brother's best friend, who happened to be a girl, and woken up at the same time as her. "EW!" the two girls screamed, scrambling away from each other as fast as they could, disappointed that their dreams weren't real.

Meanwhile, Ron peeled his face off the window with great difficulty, and Leila sat up straight as soon as he managed to break the bond his face had formed with the window, so their heads collided, which knocked Leila out and gave Ron a bruise on his jaw. But it didn't matter that Leila was knocked out because Draco didn't want to annoy Leila because he didn't know her. So he really didn't care. Ron, however, did.

"I KILLED HER!" he screamed, sobbing. Then he attempted to give her mouth-to-mouth, but she woke up.

"Ron, are you like, kissing me?" she asked.

"That is quite possibly the shortest sentence I have ever heard you say," Ron said affectionately.

"I LOVE YOU TOO!" Leila shrieked, and then she started furiously making out with him.

Anyway, so Harry woke up, but couldn't move his neck because it was like, stuck, and it hurt every time he tried to move it, it hurt like crazy. So he was stuck with his head thrown back, staring at the ceiling. Paige woke up, rubbed her eyes blearily, which totally ruined her makeup. "Who are like, you?" she asked as she stared at the tall figure in the doorway, who was blocking the light and looking positively godlike.

"He's Draco Malfoy," Ginny breathed, staring at him with nothing but love in her wide brown eyes.

Ron would have glared at his sister for being so weird, but he was too busy making out with Leila. He looked like he was eating her face, by the way.

"And he's a jerk!" Harry cried, his voice strained because of the weird position his neck was in.

"Like, why is your head like that?" Paige asked.

"I can't move my neck!"

"That's kind of…hawt." Paige traced the line of his throat with the tip of her 2 inch long freshly manicured nail on her index finger, which made his Adam's apple bob up and down as he swallowed. Then she tried to make out with him with his head thrown back like that, but it didn't work, so she just started kissing his neck.

Then Draco was all, "What is this, the 1960's?"

And Ginny was thinking _"I wish…"_

Anyway, Hermione seemed to be the only one who still had her common sense (and really, she only had it for like, 2 seconds before she slipped back into her train of Snapethoughts). "Get out of here, Malfoy," she spat, and shut the door on him. Literally. His foot was still in the doorway, and she totally sliced it in half. So the top half of Malfoy's right foot was in the compartment with them. He howled in pain. Ginny howled, too.

"HERMIONE! HOW COULD YOU!"

"How could I what?" Hermione asked dreamily, already forgetting what she had done as she let the Snapethoughts take over her brain.

"I'M TELLING!" Draco screamed through the door, and hobbled away.

Ginny screamed, feeling Draco's pain. She grabbed her own right foot and stroked the top part. She couldn't feel it, though—she was that far in to the sympathy pain. "HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO ME! TO HIM! TO _US_!" She let out a choking sob. "NOW ME AND HIM WILL NEVER BE! AND IT'S ALL—YOUR—FAULT! I HATE YOU NOW!" She dove into the seat cushion next to her, sobs shaking her small frame violently.

Ron would have like, puked, but he was too busy making out with Leila to realize that there actually was a world around him.

Draco slammed the door back open and grabbed the other half of his foot and gave everyone a death-ray-glare and went back out and slammed the door shut. He stomped off to try to find someone to fix his foot for him. Ginny was still sobbing uncontrollable because she felt so much for her newfound love Draco. Pretty much this is what happened for the rest of the train ride.

Oh, except, well, Mr. Snape came into the compartment to see how Draco, his favorite student, got his foot sliced in half. (He fixed Draco's foot first, of course.) Then Ginny, with her tear-streaked face, told him exactly what happened. Snape took like 25 _million_ points from Gryffindor. Okay, really like 25. Ginny then left because she hated her friends for hurting Draco like that. She didn't know where to go really, so she cried in the bathroom the whole time.

But when Snape was there, Hermione's heart was like pound, throb, beat, etc… She was like, _soooooooooooooooooooooo_ excited to see Snape for the first time that year. She just stared at him, eyes wide and full of adoration. He glanced in her direction a few times, but it was kind of more like a glare. Sort of. He didn't seem to notice the sheer love on her face.

Then he left.

So they all got to school and the carriages took the students to the school from the train to the school (except the first years cause they had to take the boats). When they got to school, Hermione like totally was excited to see Snape again at the teachers table.

When he came in, everybody was all like "Ewwww, it's Snape!" and then Hermione, enraged, was all, "Not 'ewwww' you should be happy that you have someone so talented as your potions master! You should be grateful! You ungrateful little prats! How dare you!"

Then she stomped off to the bathroom. Crying. Ron Harry Leila Paige and Ginny just were like, "Ummmmmm…. What's up with her? Crazy person!"

They ate dinner and halfway through Hermione came back. She looked like she had been crying. Well, she had. She sat down without speaking to any one of them. Ginny was sitting near them, but she was still fuming. She kept muttering things like "Stupid bloody Hermione. She ruined my life! Ugh!" to her dinner plate.

After dinner, as everyone was filing out of the Great Hall, Draco came up to Ginny and said, "So, I always knew you were crazy you blood traitor, but talking to your food? That's getting a bit excessive even for you."

And then Ginny was like "Oh Draco, I'm so sorry. I know Hermione's actions back in the train were despicable. I hate her for it. You didn't deserve it at all and I just wanted to apologize for her rudeness."

Draco gazed into her tearful eyes as she spoke, slowly realizing his immortal love for her. As he looked into her eyes, he saw the love, the pain, the torment in her soul. He couldn't help himself and he swept her up into his arm and kissed her deeply and passionately. For a moment, she was very surprised, but then she just melted into his arms and kissed him back.

"Oh Ginny, it's ok. Don't worry about anything your mudblood friend might or might not have done to me. I don't blame you. I love you. I've always loved you and I always will."

"Oh Draco," she said back to the tall, blonde youngster. "I love you too. Nothing can ever come between us. Our love is too strong. I think I'd die if anything ever happened to you."

They then resumed their making-out in the middle of the hallway in which people were walking and staring.

Back up in the common room, Hermione was sitting in a chair by the fire dreaming that she was sitting in the icy coldness of the dungeons in Snape's lap. Naked.

Ron and Leila were sitting in a nearby chair oogling at each other. They had not taken their eyes off of one another since they made out on the train. Since then, it is all they wanted to do. They began talking about theire future, planning their marriage. They set a date, and began thinking of a location. They decided that 17 kids was good. Soon, they gave in to temptation and began making out again.

In another nearby chair, Paige sat on Harry's lap. They were talking about how much they were in love. Soon, they ended up like Leila and Ron, making out in their chair.

Back above Weasley's Wizard Weezes

Fred: What do I do with this spaghetti? George, please, I'm sorry! I need you! I can't do this on my own! I cannot cook !

George: Well, you should have thought of that before you forgot my birthday!

Fred: entering bedroom Oh George, I'm so, so sorry. I never meant to hurt you. I would never forget your birthday. Well, not for more than 5 seconds. But frizzle! You know I care.

George: Sob sob You…you really mean that? (at this, he gazed lovingly into Fred's eyes. Only to find Fred smiling and staring back at him, love spewing out of him.)

Fred: Of course I mean that. I…never mind. (He suddenly looked away, looking sullen and nervous.)

George in a comforting voice What is it Fred? You can tell me. You can tell me anything.

Fred: It's just that, well… no, I can't.

George: Of course you can! Fred, are you okay? You look sad.

Fred: Oh, oh yeah, I'll be fine. (he was still looking away, looking sadder than ever. For, George could never accept his love. Considering that, you know, they were like, brothers and all. Shared parents, grandparents, siblings…everything!)

George: (George was getting worried. What could be troubling his love/brother so?) Fred?

Fred: tear rolled down cheek

George: Oh, Fred! hugs Fred What's bothering you? Please tell me. You're making me sad, I want to help you through this.

Fred: getting angry because he doesn't want George to pry into his feeling. He is also hurt because he loved the feel of George's hands on his body but knows that they could never be together because George could never return his feelings. Oh, just leave me alone George! Fred pushed George away, leaving the room in a huff of emotion

George: Fred! Please! whispers sadly to himself I love you.

Fred went into the living room where he lay down on the couch thinking to himself. Why couldn't George understand? Why couldn't he love him back?

Just then, George came in.

George: Fred, look…

Fred: cutting George off No George! I don't want to hear it! You could never understand! Just leave me alone!

George: Fred! But…

Fred: No buts!

George: I want to help you!

Fred: The only way you could help would be to leave me ALONE!

The two boys were now thoroughly involved in a heated argument.

Fred: thinking _God, he's hot when he's angry._

George: thinking _The same thing as Fred. Except, like, about Fred._

The sexual tension was mounting and mounting fast.

For a moment, they just stared each other down.

Fred: You're not gone!

George: I can't leave! quieter and nervouser, looking down I have to make sure you're okay.

Fred: I'll be fine! Just…just go! sob

George: You're being so stupid, you bloody prat!

Fred: I'm the prat! Look who's talking, if you wanted me to leave, I'd do it!

George: Oh! Oh I see how it is! You just don't care about me, is that it!

Fred: Well, you don't care about me!

George: Of course I do! Why do you think I'm doing this!

Fred: Well, I care about you too, but right now, you're making that difficult!

George: Fine then! I'll just _LEAVE_!

Fred: GOOD!

George then left, crying, and went into their bedroom. They spent the better part of the night like this, George in the bedroom, Fred in the living room. George was so upset. He loved Fred so much, but Fred didn't seem to love him back. He cried himself to sleep.

In the middle of the night, around 3 am., Fred had a thought. He was being stupid. George obviously was just looking out for him. He only wanted him to be okay. "Fred," he told himself, "You should go apologize."

So he got up and went into the bedroom that he shared with George. George was awake and thought the Fred would walk over to his own bed and, like, go to sleep. Instead, Fred came over to where George was sleeping and touched his shoulder to wake him up (because he like, didn't know that George was awake). George turned over sleepily. Fred opened his mouth to say something but when he and George's eyes met, he was rendered speechless. He suddenly forget all thoughts he had had. They gazed into each other's eyes for a few seconds, lust growing and sexual tension reaching an all time high. Without thinking, Fred kissed George with all the passion he could muster. George was breathless, and soon, kissed Fred back with a passion to rival his. Their lust was taking over. They moved so that they were like laying on the bed together, furiously making out. Before they knew it, clothes were strewn across the room and they were holding each other, entangled in bed-sheets. They soon fell asleep, wishing that it would never end, that they could always be like this.

SO, LIKE, ANYWAY. Arthur came home and said to Molly, "Molly, dear, we MUST move. I cannot live in such…filth! This place reminds me of MUGGLES!" And Molly was like, "Uh, okay. Whatever." And Arthur was like, "YES, WE ARE MOVING! I DON'T CARE WHAT YOU SAY, WE'RE MOVING!" Molly just looked at him apathetically, and she was just like, "Okay, chill." So Arthur was all, "DON'T YOU DARE ARGUE WITH ME! WE—ARE—MOVING! AND THAT'S FINAL! AND WE'RE MOVING RIGHT NEXT DOOR TO OUR GOOD FRIENDS THE MALFOYS!"

Now, as apathetic as Molly was about the whole like, world, she had a problem with this. Well, sort of. She felt like she should have had a problem, but in reality she really just didn't care. "Um, don't we like, hate the Malfoys?"

"Why would we hate such a respectable, muggle-hating family like ours?" Arthur asked, tightening his tie.

"Um, because you like, lurve muggles."

Arthur gasped. "How could you say such a thing? MY HATE FOR MUGGLES BURNS WITH THE WHITE HOT INTENSITY OF A THOUSAND SUNS!"

"You just like, made a reference to a muggle TV show."

"SHUT UP! I'm going to go wash my mouth out with soap now."

"Um, whatever."

From the other room, Arthur yelled, "Did the kids get on the train all right!"

"We have kids?"

Back at Hogwarts, everyone was like, making out. Except Hermione. So she felt left out and went to go find the incredibly greasy Potions master. But she decided to go _change into something more comfortable first!_ Seriously. Since the robes she was wearing were WAY TOO HOT (even though she'd be going down to the dungeons which were like, really cold so she'd need her robes), she went upstairs and changed into her skimpiest baby doll nightie. It was like, way too small and you could see her black thong through the practically see-through material, which barely covered her butt. Oh, yeah, she also took her bra off. Not that she like, ever needed a bra, anyway.

So she went down to the common room but no one stared because everyone was like, too busy makin' out. So she left and went down to the dungeons, where she felt a nice, healthy breeze around her privates, like that guy in the fourth book wanted. But the breeze was a bit chilly, so she got goose-pimples. She slipped into the dungeon room where potions were held quietly, and moved towards the door to his office. Snape was rockin' out, head-banging, but his greasy hair wasn't moving because it was so greasy the grease was acting like gel and holding his hair in place. Oh, yeah, like, he put a magical spell on his stereo so he could totally listen to music at Hogwarts. He was listening to Billy Joel.

Hermione slipped in there, stealthy as usual. "Hey, greasy thang," she greeted him. He jumped, embarrassed to be caught like this by his least favorite (next to Potter) pupil. He ran a hand over his greasy hair, attempting to run his hand through it at first but like we said before, the grease was acting like a gel. He looked at his palm, and it dripped with grease. He shook his hand nervously, and Hermione screamed as droplets of grease stained her barely-there nightie. It was then that Severus noticed what she was wearing—or, better yet, what she like, wasn't wearing—and almost got hard but totally contained himself, and said, "Miss Granger, what are you _wearing_?"

"You like it? I wore it especially for you, Sevvy," Hermione cooed, sidling up to him sexily.

"Um, no, I…uh…don't really care for it," Snape stuttered, forgetting to yell at her for calling him Sevvy (even though he kind of liked it, coming from her).

"Do you want me to take it off, then?" Hermione whispered in the throatiest voice she could managed, but came out sounding totally squeaky.

Snape, not realizing she meant, like, here, was like, "Yes. I do." Hermione took it differently and thought that he was actually responding to her flirting!

"Okay then," she said, and started to pull it upwards.

"NO!" Snape cried. He couldn't jeopardize his job for this little mudblood, as much as he wanted to. "Hermione…as much as I'd like to see you take that off, I don't want to lose my job. And this is forbidden. I'm so sorry, but you have to leave now." Snape teared up and turned away, not wanting the love of his life to see him cry.

"Sevvy! I…I could never leave you…but I don't want to jeopardize your job either!" She started sobbing uncontrollably and sank down to the floor.

"Oh, Hermy! Don't cry!" Snape sobbed back, and took her into his arms. "I don't ever want to make you cry," he whisperd.

Hermione sniffed unattractively. "Oh…Sevvy…" A couple of more tears leaked out of her red-rimmed poop-colored eyes. He kissed them away, and then accidentally poked her in the eye with his overlarge nose. "Sorry," he whispered, his voice cracking (he was a late bloomer).

Hermione smiled. "If anyone was ever to poke me in the eye with their nose, I'm glad it was you. I love you, Sevvy."

"I love you too, Hermy!"

They made love on the floor of his office that very night.

Back in the common room, Ron broke away from Leila. "Leila," He said, "I have to tell you something."

"What, snooky-kins?" Leila cooed affectionately. If Ron had to tell her something, it had to be good.

"I'm a superhero."

"Like, seriously!"

"Yes. Have you ever heard of Pregnancy Boy?"

"OMG, yes!" Leila cried.

"Well, I have pregnancy senses, and SOMEONE IS GETTING PREGNANT RIGHT NOW!"

"OH MY GAWDZ!" she shrieked. "Who is it, snookums?"

"I…I don't know!" Pregnancy Boy pressed his hands to his forehead, willing his pregnancy senses to tell him more. But they wouldn't, because they were all, "Haha, figure it out for yourself." "But it's someone close to me," P.B. said in a noble voice. "I can tell because these feelings are so strong. Someone close to me is getting pregnant at this very moment."

"Like, they're like, doing the deed?"

"Yes."

"Do you mean someone close, like, someone nearby, or someone close to your heart?"

"Someone close to my heart," P.B. said, his voice getting deeper and nobler by the minute. Leila wondered if it was because she knew he was a superhero now so it seemed that way, or if it really was.

"Is it me?"

Pregnancy Boy gave her a weird look. "Um, somehow, I don't think it's you."

"Oh, thank god! I got so scared for a minute! But…who else is close to your heart?"

"Well, no one is as close to my heart as you are, sweetie-pie, but my friends and family are close," P.B. said.

"Okay, well, as long as your not like, cheating on me," Leila said, her eyes welling up at the mere thought of P.B. cheating.

"I would never!" P.B. boomed with such sincerity that Leila just had to have him, so she just like, jumped his bones right there in the middle of the common room.

Paige and Harry were, like, totally making out but Harry heard that conversation. So he was like (he pulled away from Paige with a great sucking sound) "Paige hunny-bun?"

And Paige was all, "Yeah sweet-pea?"

So Harry goes, "I have something, erm, important to tell you."

"What is it?"

"Well, Ron's a superhero."

"Umm…okay."

"He's Pregnancy Boy."

"Oh! I have a poster of him in my room!"

"And I'm like, his sidekick. I'm Midwife Man!"

Harry stood up, which made Paige totally fall to the floor. But Harry like, put his hands on his hips in a very heroic manner. Wind started blowing his hair back majestically and there was like, a spotlight on him. Pregnancy Boy, too. But then he resumed his like _activities_ with Leila on the floor of the common room. Nobody noticed.

"Oh, Midwife Man!" Paige said in awe.

"Yes, that's me. I help people through their pregnancies and births."

"That's so…noble!" Paige exclaimed.

"I know." Harry said.

He gave her a very handsome, hero-like smile that totally reminded her of that guy, Tom Welling, you know that one who plays Clark Kent in Smallville? Cause he's a hero too, he's superman.

Anyway, so she was all, like, yearning for Harry now. So she totally pulled him to her and they were like, all makin' out and stuff on the common room floor.

Pregnancy Boy forgot about the girl getting Pregnant. Who could it possibly be? There was no one he could think of, all of his friends were present and accounted for. So he didn't care and focused on Leila.

Back in the hallway, Ginny and Draco continued making out for a while. But then, he had this strange urge to tell Ginny about his secret identity.

"Ginny," he said between kisses.

"Yes Drakie?"

"I…I have to tell you something. I'm not who you think I am."

"You…you're not?"

"No. I mean, well, I am Draco Malfoy. But I have another identity. I'm Stillborn Guy!" (there was like, lightening and thunder outside) "Evil arch nemesis of Pregnancy Boy and his stupid, feminine sidekick, Midwife Man!"

"NO!" Ginny cried. For Pregnancy Boy was her like brother and Midwife Man was her like, first love! And one of her bffls!

"YES!"

"But…but…it can't be!"

"Well it is, why is that so hard to conceive?"

"Be…because…Pregnancy Boy is my brother! And Midwife Man is Harry Potter!"

"WHAT? This changes everything. Now I'm their evil arch nemesis times TWO! MWAHAHAHAHAHA!"

"What will I do?" Ginny said quietly.

"You must choose…It's me…or your stupid brother and his friend."

"But…"

"No! You must choose. If you really, love me, you'll choose me." His eyes hardened. She couldn't bare to leave him. She had to choose him. He was just like, waaaaaaaaay hotter than her brother. Or Harry for that matter.

"Okay. I'll stay with you. I must. For my love for you burns with the white hot intensity of a thousand suns!"

"Great! You will be…." (Draco here made drum-roll noises) "…Miscarriage Girl!"

There was a great flash of lightening and a huge thunder outside.

"Oh Drakie!"

"Ginny!"

They resumed their making out except this time, they went into the nearest empty classroom. They were laying on top of the teachers desk (which happened to be McGonagall's) because they had knocked everything off of it.

Then McGonagall came in and was shocked and appalled at first. And then she was all, "Yo, guys, can I like, join?" And Ginny and Draco were like, "Um, okay, sure. Why not?" So she like, did, and then they all had a threesome.

So everyone was like, having sex. Paige and Midwife Man; Leila and Pregnancy Boy; Miscarriage Girl, Stillborn Guy, and McGonagall; Sevvy and Hermy; and Fred and George. The only people who weren't like, doing it that are in this story were Molly and Arthur and that's because Molly just didn't care enough too and Arthur was too busy like banging on and on about how much muggles like, suck.

BUT THEN! Some like, death eater came into Hogwarts and was all "HAHAHA. With the new girls came this evil force that changed everyone! HAHAHA. That was my doing! KTHANXBYE." So then like, everyone stopped doing it and attacked him and then he died and everyone was normal again and the end.

Oh, and um, PS—Hermione was the one who was getting pregnant. With Snape's baby. Those two didn't go completely back to normal; she had the baby and then married him and forgot about her career and became a housewife and they lived happily ever after. THE END FRIZZLE NOW.


End file.
